Magazines and Muscle Shirts
by kittlekat1
Summary: After what Dick Grayson considers an embarassing photo shoot coupled with a mortifying article about him and his adoptive brothers, he's even MORE humiliated when he hears Megan's and Artemis's responses...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**And I know that I'm playing around with timelines, here, but I kind of need to...you'll see. **

**Here it goes! **

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><p><strong>Magazines and Muscle Shirts<strong>

"Oh, look!" Megan squeaks, passing Artemis the most recent copy of _Gotham Times. _Dick preemptively winces-_oh, no, don't look at that, don't look at THAT..._

"Gotham's Best Boys: Bruce Wayne's Four Adoptees?" Artemis asks loudly, making Dick go completely bright red. Wally grins at his best friend's discomfort and remembers how much Jason, Tim, and Damian had protested at the photoshoot, alongside Dick...Bruce was still unimpressed. "Inside the Lives of the Mary Lennox Stories?"

Dick groans loudly and drops his forehead to his laptop. Kaldur shoots him a curious look, but Wally just starts to laugh louder.

"Richard Grayson, Jason Todd, Timothy Drake, and Damian Wyatt discuss the aspects of their lives exclusively with _Gotham Times_ reporter Marley Wattson," Artemis continues, flipping through the pages. "Oh...Megan, _that_ is the picture of human perfection," she giggles, pointing to one of the pictures from the Wayne story. Dick turns a new color of red undiscovered by mankind and Wally's shrieking with laughter, clutching his stomach.

"Oh?" Megan looks carefully. "Why are they all wearing those shirts to jump into the pool?"

"It's called a muscle shirt. They're probably wearing them to keep the sun off. No wonder they're so pale, but mm-_mm_, you can _completely _see Richard Grayson's abs through that thing."

Dick covers his face with both of his hands. Kaldur and Conner look at him and the crying-laughing Wally with completely baffled looks.

"Doesn't Richard go to your school?"

"Oh, _yes he does. And_ he's single. Like, no strings attached."

Dick groans softly and wonders why _Artemis_ got a scholarship to Gotham Academy but Bruce couldn't fanagle _Babs_ in.

"What's wrong, Robin?" Megan asks concernedly. Wally stands up and bends over, cramping. "Wally?"

"Dude-so-callin' Roy," he gasps out, zipping out of the room.

"Walllyyyy!" Dick whines, but doesn't make a move to stop him. He's learned a long time ago to just do damage control when it comes to Wally.

Artemis is still eying Dick's and his adoptive brothers' group picture jumping into the Wayne pool behind the Manor. Megan drifts back over and gently touches the page. "Richard has rather stunning eyes, doesn't he? Blue, but not like Conner's...they're darker."

Conner blushes. Dick's blush is becoming purple.

"Absolutely beautiful. A girl could _easy _fall in love with a boy like _that,_" Artemis giggles. "Smart, good-looking, wealthy-"

"Shouldn't you like him for his personality?" Dick asks sharply, still tomato red.

Artemis waves him off. "Welcome to girls, Rob. We fall in love with a picture and deal with the personality later."

Conner looks between them confusedly. "What?"

Dick hides his face again. Kaldur gently questions, "Are you alright?"

He shakes his head and wishes he could make his feet move. Artemis and Megan are still giggling over his brothers' and him, and he wishes he could take that magazine and throw it in the shredder without looking suspicious.

"Look at this," Megan points and reads, "_Bruce Wayne has already set up the adoption process for Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown, half-sisters who will no doubt experience the same Mary Lennox story as Gotham's Best Boys."_

Artemis giggles loudly. "Those girls are in for a _nii-ii-iice_ time. Wish Mr. Wayne would adopt _me._"

Dick explodes. "Cass and Steph are _nothing_ like that! They're, like, _eight _anyways! And Bruce only goes for the weird cases!"

The four in the room stare at him with completely shocked expressions. Dick pales as he realizes what he's possibly done.

"Are you-"

"No." Dick immediately brings up the lie. "But I _work_ with all of them. I've met Cass and Steph. I know Bruce Wayne. Just...don't...don't talk about them like that, Artemis. _Especially _Richard. I'm a good friend of his-I've _saved_ the guy enough times-and it's..._awkward_ to hear that, okay? Just...don't talk about the Waynes."

Artemis narrows her eyes suspiciously, but Conner and Megan easily accept the lie. Kaldur silently nods, but he, too, sees through his ruse.

Wally zips back in, still red-faced from laughing. Dick tries to make his blush go down, but when the others are distracted and Wally leans forwards and whispers, "So, want me to set Arty up on a blind date with you?" he goes red.

_Bright _red.

"Robin."

_Oh, no, Bruce, go back, go BACK. _

The others jump, but Dick just stares pleadingly at him, wanting him to retreat so he doesn't see his bright red cheeks. Bruce's eyebrows immediately furrow.

"Do you have a fever?" he comes forwards and presses the back of his hand to Dick's forehead, and Dick pulls away, grumbling unhappily. "Robin."

It's a warning, and Dick stares at Bruce meaningfully, waiting for the World's Greatest Detective to pick up on the real reason. He sees his mentor's eyes flicker with realization and gets a Batglare that hasn't worked in years.

"We're going home. _Now._" Bruce stalks into the transporter and Robin groans, shoving his computer into his bag before throwing it over his shoulder and rushing after him. The others call good-bye and Dick gives them a quick 'see ya' before disappearing into the garage. He stumbles into the Batmobile and waits worriedly for the lecture.

"What. Happened?" Bruce asks lowly, knuckles white against the wheel.

Dick shakes his head and buries his head in his hands. He feels Bruce soften and Bruce asks, much more gently, "What's wrong, Dick? What happened?"

"That stupid magazine article. Artemis and Megan were cooing over it," Dick finally grumbles, unwillingly. Bruce chuckles softly.

"You should _love_ what Alfred has at home, then."

"What?"

Silence.

"Bruce, _what?_"

Nothing.

"BRU-UCE!"

Twenty minutes later Bruce and Dick climb up from the Batcave and flop onto the sofa in Bruce's office. Jason hops onto the cushion next to Dick while Tim takes his other side and Damian just plops down on top of him. All three are grinning much too broadly as Cass and Steph, already at home, race forwards to hug Bruce and giggle loudly.

"What?" Dick asks, puzzled.

"Master Dick?" Alfred requests from the doorway. Dick twists around in his seat, and his eyes grow huge. "These are for you, I do believe...from many..._admirers._"

Bruce, the boys, Cass, and Steph burst out laughing at Dick's face goes from his normal shade to brilliant red, staring at the three foot stack of letters Alfred is balancing on his arms, all addressed to _Richard Grayson-Wayne, _all dotted with little hearts.

"Oh my-"

"Master Dick, may I reccomend you end that with 'gosh', or I _will _wash your mouth out with soap."

"Sorry, Alfred."

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><p><strong>Reviews make me haaapppyyyyyy! :) :) :) :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's Chapter Two! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Surprise, surprise. ;) **

**Enjoy! **

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><p>It takes all of Dick's will to drag himself to Gotham Academy the next morning, dreading having to act like he doesn't know Artemis when he knows far too <em>much<em> about Artemis...and her opinion regarding _him._

Dick squirms in his gym uniform and wishes it wasn't so _tight_. Sure, the shorts were loose, but the shirts left little to the imagination for the _female_ portion of the class, being freaking _muscle shirts_ and all. Normally this doesn't bother Dick, but it certainly isn't comfortable having your _teammate_, a girl you practically _live with,_ unashamedly staring at you while you attempt to get all of her opinions out of your head.

"Okay. I _love_ those new uniforms," a girl near Dick whispers to her best friend, giggling loudly. "Richard's _ripped._"

Dick flushes red and fumbles the soccer ball, kicking it clumsily to a boy on his team.

"I _know. _I thought he'd be this scrawny little kid. Who _knew?_" her best friends giggles back. "Did you s_ee_ that picture in _Gotham Times?_"

"_Saw_ it? I _pinned_ it to my _wall!_"

_Okay, gag me. _Dick abruptly wishes that the Joker would swoop him and hit him with some knock out gas. Or possibly some lethal gas. _Anything_ that would prevent his specially trained ears from picking up on _anymore_ of this incredibly awkward conversation.

"Yo, Rick!" a boy from Dick's team yells. "Dude, we're playing shirts and skins. We're skins."

The girls nearby suddenly give a squeak that makes the rest of the class turn to them in confusion. Dick wonders if Bruce is somewhere in the back of this boy's head, just playing with him to make him miserable.

Dick thanks _gosh_ that Bruce makes him wear non-sweatable, waterproof concealer _everywhere_ on his body, so his various scars don't show. He pulls off his shirt and tosses it with the others, trying desperately to ignore the girls as they whisper loudly to each other, giggling.

One of the boys on Dick's team blinks. He's a football player, Dick remembers, a quarterback. "Jeez, man. For someone so scrawny, you got yourself some abs."

_Oh my gosh. _Dick feels his face heat up bright, bright red and he kicks the soccer ball away from a nearby boy. "Let's just play."

Still, he feels like he's under a microscope. Artemis's appreciative gaze makes him feel like he's being sniped.

When the bell finally rings, Dick whips his shirt on and stalks to the locker room, rushing to get back into his looser, less..._noticeable_ jacket and shirt. He walks out of the locker room with a remkarably cooler face, still working on his stupid tie, when two dark brown eyes of a flirty girl in his science class-Miranda?-appears in his vision, her hands cold and on his as he works his tie.

"Hey, Richard."

"Hi." Dick takes one huge step back, making Miranda lean forwards to maintain contact. Immediately Dick flushes again and the hair on the back of his neck sticks up; he _doesn't like contact. _

"Want some help?" she purrs, obviously trying to be seductive. Unfortunately this move reminds him of Catwoman, and that is repulsive.

"Uh...no. I got it." _And even if I didn't, I wouldn't let you help me. _

"Oh? Really?" Miranda's hands sink lower onto his chest, and Dick abruptly finds his back to the wall. His utilty belt, in stealth mode as a regular belt, would be unrecognizable, but he _wants Miranda's hands off of him._ They are cold and little and much too smooth, so unlike Babs's that he really _wants her to step back off of him. _"You sure? I'm pretty good at tying knots."

"Maybe you should look into the Boy Scouts," Dick tries to laugh off, squirming free and backing up, away from her.

Miranda trills a very girly laugh and taps her finger against his chest. "You are just a laugh a minute."

_Before that freaking photoshoot, Miranda-all those girls-ignored me. _Dick gently pulls her hand away from him and he starts down the hall backwards, praying for the Riddler...Ragdoll...Penguin...hell, he'd settle for a simple vandalism.

At this point Dick's face is on fire, but Miranda looks predatory, stalking after him. Dick finally bumps into something-someone-and he jerks his face around to look straight into much too familiar green eyes.

Miranda's smile becomes a smirk. "_Heeey, _Artemis."

Artemis crosses her arms and rests all her weight on her right foot. "Miranda. I think you should leave Richard alone. He _obviously_ isn't interested."

_Huh. Penguin, Ragdoll, or Artemis. That works. I don't even have to fight her. _

Miranda sneers. "Oh? And he's interested in _you?_"

Artemis smirks. "Hell no. He's already got a girlfriend, _Mandy._ He's had one for a while."

"How would _you_ know?"

Dick speaks up here, not wanting to bury Artemis too deep. "She's one of my girlfriend's friends. We've known each other for a while."

Miranda's face falls and she stalks off. Dick takes a deep breath, and his face is significantly cooler. He turns and says, "Thanks, Arty."

Artemis smiles. "No problem..._Richard._" She smirks, and winks, and is gone.

He'd have to thank her very nicely for her cooperation. And possible look into those new arrows she was talking about...

When Dick comes home, he's greeted with his siblings' hellos, a lick from their dog Ace, and an amused pat on the back from Bruce.

"What's up, Bruce?" he asks, suspicious.

Bruce nods towards the kitchen and scoops Cass up in his arms, making her giggle madly.

"Bruce!"

Bruce just smiles and Dick stalks into the kitchen, where Alfred is arranging a pile of cardboard boxes.

"What...are..._those?_" Dick asks slowly, deciding if he really wants to know.

"Why, Master Dick, these are some gifts of appreciation from your admirers," Alfred says in his normal, calm manner.

Dick blushes bright red again, sending the Batfamily behind him into hysterics and making Alfred's lips twitch up. "What the he-"

"A bar of soap has your name on it, Master Dick, should you say what I believe you're about to say."

Dick says it anyways, completely nonplussed, and gets a mouthful of Dove soap. During patrol, he's still spitting the taste out of his mouth, and Bruce is unsympathetic and somewhat amused.

"Honestly, who taught you that sort of language?"

Dick spits and glares at Bruce. "Yeah, I _wonder_."

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><p><strong>For those you who didn't get it: <em>Bruce<em> taught Dick 'that sort of language'. **

**Tell me what ya'll think! **

**:) **


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